SHIPWRECK DIARIES
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Song of the Sea
(Capri, Piccola Marina)
Timeless sea breezes,
sea-wind of the night:
you come for no one;
if someone should wake,
he must be prepared
how to survive you.
Timeless sea breezes,
that for aeons have
blown ancient rocks,
you are purest space
coming from afar...
Oh, how a fruit-bearing
fig tree feels your coming
high up in the moonlight.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Translated by Albert Ernest Flemming
Bones
Sling me under the sea.
Pack me down in the salt and wet.
No farmer’s plow shall touch my bones.
No Hamlet hold my jaws and speak
How jokes are gone and empty is my mouth.
Long, green-eyed scavengers shall pick my eyes,
Purple fish play hide-and-seek,
And I shall be song of thunder,
crash of sea,
Down on the floors of salt and wet.
Sling me … under the sea.
Carl Sandburg
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Sea Longing
A thousand miles beyond this sun-steeped wall
Somewhere the waves creep cool along the sand,
The ebbing tide forsakes the listless land
With the old murmur, long and musical;
The windy waves mount up and curve and fall,
And round the rocks the foam blows up like snow,
-- Tho' I am inland far, I hear and know,
For I was born the sea's eternal thrall.
I would that I were there and over me
The cold insistence of the tide would roll,
Quenching this burning thing men call the soul,
-- Then with the ebbing I should drift and be
Less than the smallest shell along the shoal,
Less than the sea-gulls calling to the sea.
Sara Teasdale
Thursday, November 30, 2006
At Sea
'Farewell and adieu' was the burden prevailing
Long since in the chant of a home-faring crew;
And the heart in us echoes, with laughing or wailing,
Farewell and adieu.
Each year that we live shall we sing it anew,
With a water untravelled before us for sailing
And a water behind us that wrecks may bestrew.
The stars of the past and the beacons are paling,
The heavens and the waters are hoarier of hue:
But the heart in us chants not an all unavailing
Farewell and adieu.
Algernon Charles Swinburne
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Aboard at a ship's helm
A young steersman, steering with care.
A bell through fog on a sea-coast dolefully ringing,
An ocean-bell-O a warning bell, rock’d by the waves.
O you give good notice indeed, you bell by the sea-reefs ringing,
Ringing, ringing, to warn the ship from its wreck-place.
For, as on the alert, O steersman, you mind the bell’s admonition,
The bows turn,—the freighted ship, tacking, speeds away under her gray sails,
The beautiful and noble ship, with all her precious wealth, speeds away gaily and safe.
But O the ship, the immortal ship! O ship aboard the ship!
O ship of the body—ship of the soul—voyaging, voyaging, voyaging.
Walt Whitman
Friday, November 03, 2006
Wings
"Between the past and the present was an ineffable abyss. But imagination has the wings of an angel of light and travels safely through or over the seas where we have been almost shipwrecked, the darkness in which our illusions are lost, the precipice whence our happiness has been hurled and swallowed up."
Alexandre Dumas – Twenty Years After
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Blue
Luc Besson
Monday, October 16, 2006
The Sea
"There is, one knows not what sweet mystery about this sea, whose gently awful stirrings seem to speak of some hidden soul beneath; like those fabled undulations of the Ephesian sod over the buried Evangelist St. John. And meet it is, that over these sea-pastures, wide-rolling watery prairies and Potter's Fields of all four continents, the waves should rise and fall, and ebb and flow unceasingly; for here, millions of mixed shades and shadows, drowned dreams, somnambulisms, reveries; all that we call lives and souls, lie dreaming, dreaming, still; tossing like slumberers in their beds; the ever-rolling waves but made so by their restlessness."
Herman Melville
Moby Dick --Chapter 111 (The Pacific)
Sirens
Bronze by gold, Miss Douce's head by Miss Kennedy's head, over the crossblind of the Ormond bar heard the viceregal hoofs go by, ringing steel. -- Is that her? asked Miss Kennedy.
Miss Douce said yes, sitting with his ex, pearl grey and eau de Nil.
-- Exquisite contrast, Miss Kennedy said.
When all agog Miss Douce said eagerly:
-- Look at the fellow in the tall silk.
-- Who? Where? gold asked more eagerly.
-- In the second carriage, Miss Douce's wet lips said, laughing in the sun. He's looking. Mind till I see.
She darted, bronze, to the backmost corner, flattening her face against the pane in a halo of hurried breath.
Her wet lips tittered:
-- He's killed looking back.
She laughed:
-- O wept! Aren't men frightful idiots?
With sadness.
Miss Kennedy sauntered sadly from bright light, twining a loose hair behind an ear. Sauntering sadly, gold no more, she twisted twined a hair. Sadly she twined in sauntering gold hair behind a curving ear.
-- It's them has the fine times, sadly then she said.
James Joyce- Ulysses, Ch. 11-
Friday, October 13, 2006
Becalmed at sea
Deepest silence rules the waters,
Not a motion stirs the sea,
And the sailor views the glassy
Surface so uneasily.
Not a breeze from any quarter,
Dreadful silence, still as death.
In the vast, appalling distance
Not a ripple shows itself.
Goethe
http://members.aol.com/abelard2/goethe.htm
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
The Silence of the Sirens
Proof that inadequate, even childish measures, may serve to rescue one from peril.
To protect himself from the Sirens Ulysses stopped his ears with wax and had himself bound to the mast of his ship. Naturally any and every traveller before him could have done the same, except those whom the Sirens allured even from a great distance; but it was known to all the world that such things were of no help whatever. The song of the Sirens could pierce through everything, and the longing of those they seduced would have broken far stronger bonds than chains and masts. But Ulysses did not think of that, although he had probably heard of it. He trusted absolutely to his handful of wax and his fathom of chain, and in innocent elation over his little stratagem sailed out to meet the Sirens.
Now the Sirens have a still more fatal weapon than their song, namely their silence. And though admittedly such a thing has never happened, still it is conceivable that someone might possibly have escaped from their singing; but from their silence certainly never. Against the feeling of having triumphed over them by one's own strength, and the consequent exaltation that bears down everything before it, no earthly powers could have remained intact.
And when Ulysses approached them the potent songstresses actually did not sing, whether because they thought that this enemy could be vanquished only by their silence, or because of the look of bliss on the face of Ulysses, who was thinking of nothing but his wax and his chains, made them forget their singing.
But Ulysses, if one may so express it, did not hear their silence; he thought they were singing and that he alone did not hear them. For a fleeting moment he saw their throats rising and falling, their breasts lifting, their eyes filled with tears, their lips half-parted, but believed that these were accompaniments to the airs which died unheard around him. Soon, however, all this faded from his sight as he fixed his gaze on the distance, the Sirens literally vanished before his resolution, and at the very moment when they were nearest to him he knew of them no longer.
But they--lovelier than ever--stretched their necks and turned, let their cold hair flutter free in the wind, and forgetting everything clung with their claws to the rocks. They no longer had any desire to allure; all that they wanted was to hold as long as they could the radiance that fell from Ulysses' great eyes.
If the Sirens had possessed consciousness they would have been annihilated at that moment. But they remained as they had been; all that had happened was that Ulysses had escaped them.
A codicil to the foregoing has also been handed down. Ulysses, it is said, was so full of guile, was such a fox, that not even the goddess of fate could pierce his armour. Perhaps he had really noticed, although here the human understanding is beyond its depths, that the Sirens were silent, and opposed the afore-mentioned pretence to them and the gods merely as a sort of shield.
Kafka
From http://www.ac.wwu.edu/~n9648471/kafka/ksilence.html
A Sea Spell
While flashing fingers weave the sweet-strung spell
Between its chords; and as the wild notes swell,
The sea-bird for those branches leaves the sea.
But to what sound her listening ear stoops she?
What netherworld gulf-whispers doth she hear,
In answering echoes from what planisphere,
Along the wind, along the estuary?
She sinks into her spell: and when full soon
Her lips move and she soars into her song,
What creatures of the midmost main shall throng
In furrowed self-clouds to the summoning rune,
Till he, the fated mariner, hears her cry,
And up her rock, bare breasted, comes to die?
Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Monday, September 04, 2006
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Storm
Winds blowing in off the stormy sea,
Sea Gulls fighting the elements raw.
A sight to fascinate all that see,
This most fearsome chaos on the sea-shore.
Boats pitching and tossing on each breaking wave,
It seemed there was nothing that they could save.
Storm clouds ruled the Heavens that night,
Fearsome the thunder and lightning bright.
Rains flooding the land at a breathless pace,
Each drop falling into its chaotic place,
A night to remember with dreadful awe,
As the storm swept over the sea-shore.
Shaw
Another perilous sea by Poe
Poe, A descent into the Maelstrom
Storms at sea I
Poe, Ms. in a Bottle
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Merry gentlemen of the sea...
We were schooner-rigged and rakish, with a long and lissome hull,
And we flew the pretty colours of the crossbones and the skull;
We'd a big black Jolly Roger flapping grimly at the fore,
And we sailed the Spanish Water in the happy days of yore.
We'd a long brass gun amidships, like a well-conducted ship,
We had each a brace of pistols and a cutlass at the hip;
It's a point which tells against us, and a fact to be deplored,
But we chased the goodly merchant-men and laid their ships aboard.
Then the dead men fouled the scuppers and the wounded filled the chains,
And the paint-work all was spatter dashed with other peoples brains,
She was boarded, she was looted, she was scuttled till she sank.
And the pale survivors left us by the medium of the plank.
O! then it was (while standing by the taffrail on the poop)
We could hear the drowning folk lament the absent chicken coop;
Then, having washed the blood away, we'd little else to do
Than to dance a quiet hornpipe as the old salts taught us to.
O! the fiddle on the fo'c'sle, and the slapping naked soles,
And the genial "Down the middle, Jake, and curtsey when she rolls!"
With the silver seas around us and the pale moon overhead,
And the look-out not a-looking and his pipe-bowl glowing red.
Ah! the pig-tailed, quidding pirates and the pretty pranks we played,
All have since been put a stop to by the naughty Board of Trade;
The schooners and the merry crews are laid away to rest,
A little south the sunset in the islands of the Blest.
A Ballad of John Silver, by John Masefield
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
SWD IV - Of Law and Literature & Distasteful Dinners
Though the information gap pained me, leaving too much to memory’s tendency to “reconstruct” facts according to fancy, I have been too lazy to do the necessary legal research.
However, as is often the case, literature came to the rescue in the form of Rudyard Kipling’s The Strange Ride of Morrowbie Jukes. Mr. Jukes, a pretty disagreeable Engineer serving in India, in dire straits of his own (heartily deserved, as far as I’m concerned) likens his situation to that of the sailors of the Mignonette.
“A new shipwreck” thought I, and looking it up found a similar case to the aforementioned. Rather too similar to be ignored, I’m afraid.
Here goes one of many accounts available on the internet (I chose this one for succinctness and the legal quote). A more extensive and entertaining version - “Eating Research Assistants is Wrong”- can be perused at:
http://www.soc.soton.ac.uk/OTHERS/CSMS/OCHAL/mign.htm#Who%20am%20I?#Who%20am%20I?
“The Mignonette Survivors from 1884.
Driven by hunger to become cannibals, this was a case which became a key precedent on the issue of necessity. Can an individual or individuals kill to ensure survival? Dudley and Stephens, two survivors of a wrecked yacht, killed a dying companion in order to preserve their own lives. In law, they were guilty of murder - but was there any justification for such a ghastly act? The Mignonette was a yawl-rigged yacht which sailed from Tollesbury in Essex. Despite being found guilty and receiving the mandatory sentence of death, the Queen commuted the penalty to six months' imprisonment without hard labour.
Law students have to study the Mignonette case when covering issues and defences of criminal responsibility.
R v Dudley and Stephens reported in 1884 is described as concerning three men, X1, X2 and W and a boy, Y escaping from shipwreck in an open boat. After eighteen days without food Y was killed by X1, with the agreement of X2 and eaten by X1, X2, and W. Four days later they were rescued. X1 and X2 were indicted and convicted for the murder of Y. In defence, they raised the probability that, without having eaten Y, they would have died of starvation.
The defence failed. Chief Justice Coleridge ruled:
'The temptation to the act which existed here was not what the law has ever called necessity. Nor is this to be regretted. Though law and morality are not the same,...yet the absolute divorce of law from morality would be of fatal consequence; and such divorce would follow if the temptation to murder in this case were to be held by law an absolute defence of it. It is not so.' "
Credit due to: www.throughthenight.co.uk
Friday, July 14, 2006
SWD III
However, SW is precisely a case in which social norms can o “may” be suspended. The paradigmatic life boat is a good place to begin.
Picture a storm in the south seas circa 1780. No radio, no telegraph, no news of any other ship for hundreds of miles around. In this case, no hope of reaching land for a long time, if and when the boat keeps afloat.
A crowded little dinghy with one man too many (a favourite utilitarian theme, in passing). Is it licit to chuck the extra guy overboard, thus ensuring the rest a better chance of survival? And in that case, whom shall we chuck? For some (notably the earlier mentioned Utilitarians) it is morally admissible for the few to be sacrificed for the many (and, as I understand it, not only in state of need situations).
For others there is really no moral issue at all, or, stretching the definition a bit further than language seems to permit, the rules of survival reign (a way of acknowledging the superiority of the species over the individual, a pretty clear cut “law of nature”).
Getting back to that solitary life boat, imagine days going by due to good floatability and seamanship, suddenly a grimmer prospect than drowning could be starvation.
As anyone who has witnessed a wedding feast knows, people get edgy when hungry, and tend to lose the grip on their manners. Fellow man might be the bastard who makes it first to that lobster. The image of prosperous, well fed adults charging at the cold meats and flinging themselves indecorously at the salmon is damning.
Picture that life boat, buffeted by the waves… there is still a small reserve of drinking water, and after days of harsh rationing, the last morsel of food is long gone. The rough companionship of fears begins to slowly recede. Hunger sets each man apart. Suddenly, the chubby cabin boy, who will probably never make it anyway, begins to resemble a leg of ham, as the pitiless sun blurs your sight and the pains of starvation bite into your gut.
A case such as this was once put before the Chamber of the Lords. (Unfortunately I cannot remember the reference). I will not, however, forget the Lord’s final holding. But first, the facts.
Taking up where we left off, exit chubby cabin boy after unseemly scuffle, and, against all probability, not 24 hours later, ship on the horizon. Needless to say the news breaks out and charges are brought on return to London.
In the memorable words of the Chief Justice, however dire the circumstances, before resorting to murder “…they should have died like good English sailors. …”. That´s the stuff empires are made of! Naturally, as long a you understand that the rule does not apply to the “natives”.
Another interesting case of hunger was, this time, not the consequence but the cause of shipwreck.
Starving castaways on Circe’s island, Odysseus’ men languish in view of the healthy herd of Zeus Circe has vowed to protect. As can be surmised, while Odysseus slept, the men decided to defy the Gods rather than starve. Before the smell of roast meat had melted away, a ship had appeared and the hapless lot were on the way to Neptune’s vengeance. Only Odysseus survived, on a raft we will return to, of course.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
SWD II
Thus, barring exceptionally gifted writers, one presumes that these papers tend to be a sort of domestic business, one of those things you do in dressing gown and slippers so to speak (not to mention other less formal house wear). Therefore, in the short lifespan of these particular diaries, the widespread indifference evidenced by the www has been something of a comfort. As faraway and indefinable as “posterity”, the abstract web surfer could hardly be more than a rather improbable eventuality.
However, and much to my shocked chagrin, a real, tangible, eyeball to page reader has miraculously happened; and now I find myself kicking the slippers under the couch, looking in horror at the mess around, abashed, self-conscious. Lots of explaining to do, plenty of stuff to edit, correct, eliminate. Dear dear!.
I blame myself, of course. No one would have found it alone. It’s the message in a bottle syndrome. But, there it is, and I shall try to sink with the ship, with as much dignity as can be mustered in a dressing gown.
Sea storms seem the vivid portrait of just how powerless we are in the face of monumental forces, be they natural or not. While a good part of our lives transpire under the delusion that destiny is somehow under our control, that we choose certain routes that take us more or less inevitably to certain ports, the ever hungry sea shall do it’s will whether we like it or not, and even more disquietingly, with total disregard of our merits or faults.
Much like life, I posit, looking through tha ravaged timbers of my once proud vessel.
Curiously enough, and though I loved the story as a child, Robinson Crusoe is not one of my favourite castaways. The use of the adventure as a statement in favour of 19th cetury liberalism is more than I can stomach, however well K. Marx put old Robinson, or rather, Daniel Defoe in the right place. Niether do I hold any fondness for the hapless fedex employee hollywood marooned circa 2004 or thereabouts (however rich both are in secondary details).
The many themes that SW allows shall slowly and laboriously be explored. They are out there, in the salty breeze, Long John Silver's pension scheme, Odysseus' raft and so much more that I feel quite exhausted.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Do not go gentle into that good night
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas
From The Poems of Dylan Thomas, published by New Directions. Copyright © 1952, 1953 Dylan Thomas. Copyright © 1937, 1945, 1955, 1962, 1966, 1967 the Trustees for the Copyrights of Dylan Thomas. Copyright © 1938, 1939, 1943, 1946, 1971 New Directions Publishing Corp.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Surviving being eaten by a whale...
While, thankfully, the chances of anybody being swallowed by a large marine creature are extremely low 1 there is hope for those that do come face to face with this situation.
Literary Reference
Biblical reference in Christian belief cites that Jonah survived in the belly of a great fish without ill effect, but consistent attacks have been made on this story and its veracity. Strong opinions have been put to paper that something like this could not possibly occur and that the story is pure fabrication.
Rudyard Kipling, in his short tale ‘How The Whale Got His Throat’, tells of a shipwrecked Mariner who is swallowed by a whale. He causes such a fuss in the belly of the beast that it agrees to release him, and to prevent further instances of swallowing unwary seamen the Mariner pulls a wooden grating into its gullet so it will only be able to eat fish and small marine creatures in future.
While it is possible that Jonah’s experiences have more to do with analogies than reality, and Kipling’s story is just a fanciful tale, there are much more recent accounts of individuals becoming trapped inside marine creatures' bellies, only to emerge some while later alive – if not necessarily in perfect condition.
Bartley and the Star of the East
In the late winter of 1891, the whale-ship 'Star of the East' was in the vicinity of the Falkland Islands when it came within sight of a whale. Two boats were dispatched with harpoons to snare and kill the great beast of the sea, but the lashing of its tail capsized one of the launches spilling the crew into the sea. All were accounted for except for a single sailor, James Bartley 2 .
Ultimately the whale was killed and the carcass drawn aboard the vessel to begin the process of salvaging valuable resources. By the next day good progress had been made in removing the layers of blubber from the beast, so tackle was attached to its stomach to hoist it on deck. Sailors were startled by spasmodic life within the belly of the whale, and upon further inspection the missing sailor was found.
Bartley was quite mad for two weeks, but upon recovering his senses he recounted what little he could recall of being dragged under the water. Struggling for his life he had been drawn into darkness within which he felt a terrible and oppressive heat. He found slimy walls that gave slightly to his touch, but could find no exit. When his situation finally dawned on him Bartley lost his senses completely and lapsed into a state of catatonia.
During his time inside the whale the gastric juices effected his exposed skin. His face, neck and hands were bleached a deathly white with a texture like parchment, a condition from which the skin never recovered. Bartley believed that he would probably have lived inside his house of flesh until he starved, as breathing was not a problem.
Other Tales
Whales have been recorded attacking whaling ships, with references existing from the 19th century. While similar attacks may occur in modern whaling, the structural integrity of ships and enhanced sensor equipment mean that catastrophic attacks are less likely to occur.
In the winter of 1820, a Sperm Whale attacked the American whaling boat ‘Essex’ in the South Pacific, holing and capsizing her 3 . While many of the crew were able to get to safety, a number were never accounted for.
In March 1863 near Cape Cod, a whaling boat was struck by a whale sending a crewman overboard into the creature’s open mouth. His legs caught in between the teeth of the whale and after it died, due to injuries from exploding harpoons, he was rescued and revived.
Whale Attitude
While not actually a whale the Killer Whale, or Orca, has been known to attack and consume creatures as big as the Great White Shark, a dozen feet in length. In 1997 video footage was recorded of such an attack off the Farallon Islands 4 .
The Sperm Whale has a voracious appetite, and 11-inch teeth. They consider Sharks and Giant Squid fair game in making up the ton of food they can consume in a day.
Conclusions
By and large, the chances of being swallowed by a whale are small, so the need to worry about surviving inside one is extremely limited. Baleen whales prefer plankton, krill and the like, so large, flailing humans are only likely to be consumed accidentally. However, there are 65 species of toothed whale, including the Sperm Whale, and they are known to eat very large creatures whole. By comparison with a Great White Shark the average human swimmer is snack-sized. News reports usually arise when survivors live to tell the tale, so the absence of recent reports of people being swallowed by whales doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
Once inside, the advice seems to be to sit tight and try not to touch anything if at all possible. Gastric processes are invasive and skin does not recover well from encounters with organic acids. The process by which gastric acid handles food is slow and wearing clothing, especially of the synthetic variety, is likely to buy you some time.
Escape from the belly of a whale, aside from simple survival, may be far more difficult as the majority of whales - especially the Baleen whales that rely on sieving minuscule marine lifeforms for their diet - have complex digestive systems. They may have up to four stomach chambers, rather like the multi-stomach system of a cow, which allows a controlled channelling of foodstuffs through the digestive system. There is also the constant intake of seawater that results from their feeding processes. Unless someone is looking for you, or you have a very large cutting implement and a strong stomach, you may have to be satisfied with simply surviving until starvation takes you or good fortune saves the day.
If all else fails you might consider using pepper or a small fire to smoke your way out!
1 Certainly there’s more chance of you being hit by a bus, or probably an asteroid for that matter.
2 There are reports that suggest that this whole story may be apocryphal, purely an effort by Bartley to raise his own status and popularity - refer to TSR - The Skeptical Review.
3 Events expanded upon in the book ‘In the Heart of the Sea : The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex’ by Nathaniel Philbrick.
4 The Farallon Islands are situated 28 miles due west of the Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco.
Courtesy of www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
SEABOURNE
“Stop drivelling” rasped a voice in my ear, wrenching me away from the seaside as O’Farrell’s smug, overweighed bookshelves fuzzily came into view again. Row after row of leather-bound volumes, fastidiously classified and neatly placed, giving the impression of a vast and solid learning, the illusion of having an answer to every question, the solution for every client’s problem.
“Get down there, set up the Trust and be back on Friday to celebrate. The Firm has a big stake in this, and I’m counting on you. You know some of my associates don’t think the world of you after that conflict of interests in the Capriati Case, they find you unreliable. Anyway, don’t let me down!”. The interview was over, O’Farrell had his mind on a brief that waited on his large oak desk, so I let myself out of the office, picked up my plane tickets at his secretary’s desk (“Have a nice trip” she said perfunctorily, while talking on the ‘phone) and pushed through the meandering aisles and boxes of O’Farrell, Milton, Meinhaus and Mills’ Law firm.
I’m walking along the seaside now. My feet have become hardened by the sand, the salt in the air tickles my nose, its paths criss-cross over my tightened skin, my hair stands on end effortlessly. A persistent breeze, such as sailors pray for, skims over the waves carrying the distant thunder of tempests, of galleons cracking like nutshells, of cannon-fire. I sense the silent movement of dark grey predators lunging and the slow, steady expansion of pale red coral.
It took some time before daylight imposed it’s realm. At first it was all quite painful. Perhaps the initial surprise, the shock, was bearable, almost comic, when you attained a certain perspective. But, offence, was much harder to take. The sense of disappointment weighed on me. I had always cherished other people’s trust, thinking it made me feel worthy. Of course I never really acknowledged how it rapidly became tension in my back and neck, how my stomach seemed to close up and obsessive thoughts of failure pursued me. That was no one’s fault but my own. The inherent laziness which seduces us away from our better selves, the distraction of trivialities and nonsense, a weakness not to be allowed or forgiven.
One day a young promise, the willing bearer of other people’s hopes, even dreams, the next I was Judas, Quisling, one who put his own (and, naturally, unacceptable) concerns above all else, biting the hand that fed him, spitting on everything once held dear. And, what for? Something incomprehensible, indecorous, foolish, perhaps even obscene, like some pathetic old man in a porn theatre, shuffling up to young boys around the toilets.
The tide rises slowly and licks at my feet. A maroon sail cuts across the skyline, heading out into the faraway blue, as waves spray out white at the schooner’s hull; a curious dolphin, a hungry cormorant, my mind follows behind, lost between sky and water.
I suppose there is something unholy about straying from the established path, an unforgivable insolence that others receive as a slap in the face. The cause of such unnatural behaviour had to be found in some uncondonable character trait. Naturally, there is always a generous roster of sins and vices to which deviant behaviour can be attributed. In such circumstances, all poetic references to “distant drums” are rapidly extinguished in the purifying flames of outrage and rejection.
I come upon a large chunk of driftwood embedded in the sand. A family of spidery crabs scrabbles beneath it, and warily spy outwards. Two seagulls screech at each other over a morsel of fish. It falls to the sea as they battle and curse. The log offers me the comfort of its smooth sides, I gently let myself down and lean my shoulders on it, my head falls backwards filling my eyes with gold gilded clouds and a deep, fathomless sky. The sun goes down majestically in a sea of liquid fire.
I completed my mission in the
Night has overtaken me, there is a soft chill, the wind races the waves and triumphantly leaps over the beach into the forest. My rest piece seems to have become harder, I discover parts of my back I never knew existed, I wonder why knowledge is so often painful, but... no time for that... those stars, up there, falling out of the black velvet sky need to be watched, revered, drunk down thirstily in wide unblinking eyefuls, even at the risk of inebriation. I can’t seem to weary of them, though at times the unbearable deepness of the night sky refuses to pacify the soul, and the planets shoot through your body like lightning, twitching muscles, dizzying, too vast, too bright, too far away. Then, there is no option but to seek refuge in some low ceiling tavern, drowning in the sounds of drinking and laughter, their awful, silent roar.
Laura appeared on my doorstep a cloudy afternoon about a fortnight after I’d announced I was staying. She looked as fresh and bright as usual, though her eye rims were redder and her smile faltered. I just stood there, not knowing whether to hug her or dive out the window. “Please... come in, come in” I stammered looking hopelessly around, throwing some clothes off a chair and beckoned her to sit. She surveyed the dingy, furnished cabin I was renting, with all the reserve she could command, while I busied myself making coffee. I felt her eyes boring through me while my back was turned, but somehow we managed to postpone looking at each other directly, until I finally sat down in front of her with the most undrinkable coffee I’d ever made. “So... how are you?” she asked almost in a whisper.
I am mesmerised by the sea. Perhaps it is natural, being an islander; but this is not the sea of my early youth, which seemed to batter the proud castle walls of the coast of
As I sit here, motionless, awed… the sea runs through me... these eyes -suddenly turquoise- pierce the bottomless abyss, my coral bones reach out to the thin sunlight filtering past the waves, seaweed flows from my head.
And I knew then, and often felt thereafter, however hard I tried to bury the feeling, that some essential flaw of mine, a kind of spiritual handicap, would always come between me and the multifold magic that I intuited life kept hidden among its many treasures. Some essential part of Laura was always as far away from me as that wild pony’s thoughts.
The grey water is becoming alive with colours, ripples pick up pinks and violets from the early morning sky, deep greens open and close like mouths, farther, speckles of gold and silver are tossed around on blue-green waves. My heart opens up to encompass them, a rainbow nestles behind my eyes.
Laura left silently. We could not bridge the sea that had unveiled between us. That night we made love with a soft desperateness and, as on those rare occasions when all our masks had fallen away, she giggled... and then wept, reverberating slowly, as if some hidden chord had been touched. We fell asleep clinging to each other, and when I awoke, she was gone.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
SWD I
These diaries are the casual offspring of some recent unrelated readings (Stephen Crane’s The Boat, García Marquez’ El Naufrago, Han Blumenberg’s Die Serge ghet über den Fluss) and a particularly dark phase in my ongoing mid-life crisis.
Whatever the context, images of shipwreck suddenly acquired a deeper and more poignant meaning. I myself felt not unlike a castaway adrift in a powerful, indifferent sea, all energy put into just not sliding of my own “slim spar” and slowly sinking.
Of course, another -probably worthier- reason for perpetrating this, is that I am in the process of quitting smoking and desperately need to do something with my hands.
Not that I volunteered for it. A bad case of pneumonia last Christmas which led to discovery of emphysema decided me to postpone suicide, at least by progressive asphyxia. I can’t say I’m really crazy about life, but I draw the line at long, slow and painful death.
Believe me, not being able to breathe is a disagreable affair. And that brings me back to one of the possible outcomes of shipwreck: drowning.
As German philosopher Hans Blumenberg points out (op.cit), ancient mariners did not bother to learn how to swim, an activity which, considering technology available in those times, just prolonged the agony. If we must drown, they probably considered shakespeareanly, “…twere well It were done quickly" (Macbeth -1.7.1-2).
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
The Berg
by: Herman Melville (1819-1891)
I saw a ship of martial build
(Her standards set, her brave apparel on)
Directed as by madness mere
Against a stolid iceberg steer,
Nor budge it, though the infatuate ship went down.
The impact made huge ice-cubes fall
Sullen, in tons that crashed the deck;
But that one avalanche was all--
No other movement save the foundering wreck.
Along the spurs of ridges pale,
Not any slenderest shaft and frail,
A prism over glass-green gorges lone,
Toppled; nor lace of traceries fine,
Nor pendant drops in grot or mine
Were jarred, when the stunned ship went down.
Nor sole the gulls in cloud that wheeled
Circling one snow-flanked peak afar,
But nearer fowl the floes that skimmed
And crystal beaches, felt no jar.
No thrill transmitted stirred the lock
Of jack-straw needle-ice at base;
Towers undermined by waves--the block
Atilt impending--kept their place.
Seals, dozing sleek on sliddery ledges
Slipt never, when by loftier edges
Through very inertia overthrown,
The impetuous ship in bafflement went down.
Hard Berg (methought), so cold, so vast,
With mortal damps self-overcast;
Exhaling still thy dankish breath--
Adrift dissolving, bound for death;
Though lumpish thou, a lumbering one--
A lumbering lubbard loitering slow,
Impingers rue thee and go down,
Sounding thy precipice below,
Nor stir the slimy slug that sprawls
Along thy dead indifference of walls.
"The Berg" was originally published in John Marr and Other Sailors. Herman Melville.
Privately printed, 1888.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
As I ebb'd with the ocean of life,
As I ebb'd with the ocean of life,
As I wended the shores I know,
As I walk'd where the ripples continually wash you Paumanok,
Where they rustle up hoarse and sibilant,
Where the fierce old mother endlessly cries for her castaways,
I musing late in the autumn day, gazing off southward,
Held by this electric self out of the pride of which I utter poems,
Was seiz'd by the spirit that trails in the lines underfoot,
The rim, the sediment that stands for all the water and all the
land of the globe.
Fascinated, my eyes reverting from the south, dropt, to follow
those slender windrows,
Chaff, straw, splinters of wood, weeds, and the sea-gluten,
Scum, scales from shining rocks, leaves of salt-lettuce, left by the
tide,
Miles walking, the sound of breaking waves the other side of me,
Paumanok there and then as I thought the old thought of likenesses,
These you presented to me you fish-shaped island,
As I wended the shores I know,
As I walk'd with that electric self seeking types.
2
As I wend to the shores I know not,
As I list to the dirge, the voices of men and women wreck'd,
As I inhale the impalpable breezes that set in upon me,
As the ocean so mysterious rolls toward me closer and closer,
I too but signify at the utmost a little wash'd-up drift,
A few sands and dead leaves to gather,
Gather, and merge myself as part of the sands and drift.
O baffled, balk'd, bent to the very earth,
Oppress'd with myself that I have dared to open my mouth,
Aware now that amid all that blab whose echoes recoil upon me I
have not once had the least idea who or what I am,
But that before all my arrogant poems the real Me stands yet
untouch'd, untold, altogether unreach'd,
Withdrawn far, mocking me with mock-congratulatory signs and
bows,
With peals of distant ironical laughter at every word I have written,
Pointing in silence to these songs, and then to the sand beneath.
I perceive I have not really understood any thing, not a single
object, and that no man ever can,
Nature here in sight of the sea taking advantage of me to dart
upon me and sting me,
Because I have dared to open my mouth to sing at all.
3
You oceans both, I close with you,
We murmur alike reproachfully rolling sands and drift, knowing
not why,
These little shreds indeed standing for you and me and all.
You friable shore with trails of debris,
You fish-shaped island, I take what is underfoot,
What is yours is mine my father.
I too Paumanok,
I too have bubbled up, floated the measureless float, and been
wash'd on your shores,
I too am but a trail of drift and debris,
I too leave little wrecks upon you, you fish-shaped island.
I throw myself upon your breast my father,
I cling to you so that you cannot unloose me,
I hold you so firm till you answer me something.
Kiss me my father,
Touch me with your lips as I touch those I love,
Breathe to me while I hold you close the secret of the murmuring
I envy.
4
Ebb, ocean of life, (the flow will return,)
Cease not your moaning you fierce old mother,
Endlessly cry for your castaways, but fear not, deny not me,
Rustle not up so hoarse and angry against my feet as I touch you
or gather from you.
I mean tenderly by you and all,
I gather for myself and for this phantom looking down where we
lead, and following me and mine.
Me and mine, loose windrows, little corpses,
Froth, snowy white, and bubbles,
(See, from my dead lips the ooze exuding at last,
See, the prismatic colors glistening and rolling,)
Tufts of straw, sands, fragments,
Buoy'd hither from many moods, one contradicting another,
From the storm, the long calm, the darkness, the swell,
Musing, pondering, a breath, a briny tear, a dab of liquid or soil,
Up just as much out of fathomless workings fermented and thrown,
A limp blossom or two, torn, just as much over waves floating,
drifted at random,
Just as much for us that sobbing dirge of Nature,
Just as much whence we come that blare of the cloud-trumpets,
We, capricious, brought hither we know not whence, spread out
before you,
You up there walking or sitting,
Whoever you are, we too lie in drifts at your feet.
Walt Whitman
Monday, April 10, 2006
The Hornet
…“Captain Mitchell ordered the three boats to be launched instantly, which was done—and so hurriedly that the longboat (the one he left the vessel in himself) had a hole as large as a man’s head stove in her bottom. A blanket was stuffed into the opening and fastened to its place. Not a single thing was saved, except such food and other articles as lay about the cabin and could be quickly seized and thrown on deck. Forty minutes after the fire alarm the provisions and passengers were on board the three boats, and they rowed away from the ship—and to some distance, too, for the heat was very great. Twenty minutes afterward, the two masts with their rigging and their broad sheets of canvas wreathed in flames, crashed into the sea....
All night long the thirty-one unfortunates sat in their frail boats and watched the gallant ship burn; and felt as men feel when they see a tried friend perishing and are powerless to help him. The sea was illuminated for miles around, and the clouds above were tinged with a ruddy hue; the faces of the men glowed in the strong light as they shaded their eyes with their hands and peered out anxiously upon the wild picture, and the gunwales of the boats and the idle oars shone like polished gold.....
At
Excerpts from the Account of the Burning of the Clipper Ship Hornet by Mark Twain, Sacramento Daily Union , 1866
Castaway
A man adrift on a slim spar
A horizon smaller than the rim of a bottle.
Tented waves rearing lashy dark points
The near whine of froth in circles.
God is cold.
Stephen Crane, 'A man adrift on a slim spar'